


Monster House

by Little_Guy



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: ???? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Swapfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Bad Puns, Boys Being Idiots, Comedy, Family Feels, Family Shenanigans, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Memes, Platonic Relationships, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Queer Themes, Sibling Bonding, Vines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23718739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Guy/pseuds/Little_Guy
Summary: What happens when you get more skeletons than is probably allowed in a single house?High jinks! Low jinks! Dangers! Puzzles! Capers! Japers! And other sorts of fun activities. Refreshments will be provided... if you dare!
Relationships: Papyrus & Papyrus (Undertale), Papyrus & Sans (Undertale), Sans & Sans (Undertale)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 12





	Monster House

**Author's Note:**

> Literally. This is just some dumb things based off of various vines and memes because I am very much a nerd who misses these things. This is definitely a more chill thing, where a majority of the boys do get along and they're just adjusting in their own silly ways to being topside. don't expect much because it's meant to be a dumb chill idea that I work on when I think of silly situations. Though if anyone has any specific high jinks they'd be interested in seeing go for it.

Of all the things Black expected to walk into it definitely wasn’t this. There’s  _ smoke _ billowing from his brother’s mouth a carton of cigarettes held high above him as his skull beads with a sweat. 

“IT WOULD’VE BEEN LESS SEVERE IF YOU’D JUST SMOKED IT!” He motions to the fridge watching as Cash coughs, smoke still billowing out like he was a damn train. “GO! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE!” of all the illogical things. And yet. There he fucking went.

“This house is a fucking nightmare!” 

He scrambles up, carton still held high above himself as Black grabs a stool, scowling as he tries to snatch it. For the love of… why was his brother like this? “GIVE IT!” 

“No!” He curls around it, his knees making an odd creaking sound as he does so that makes them both pause. The sweat gets worse, “you heard nothing, here. Take it!” the carton is lobed at his  _ head. _

Scowling he stuffs the carton into his bandanna. There. No way in hell would his brother try and dig it out now. With one last glare at his idiotic brother he settles in front of the counter. Cash’s bones were  _ yellowing _ as if he was past his two hundredth mark! Tossing a banana up at the other skeleton, he huffs to grab the ingredients for tonight’s meal. It was his turn apparently. “SIT UP THERE AND REPENT.”

He hears a faint raspberry from atop the fridge and uses his free hand to give a bird before starting dinner. It would be healthy dammit! Salads! A sandwich even! His culinary exploits weren’t as large as the others but he could force a salad down Cash’s throat if he tried hard enough!

“PASS ME THE SALT,” He watches as Cash attempts to move down, a quick bone getting his bone to be retracted with a yelp, ‘NO! DO NOT GET OFF THE FRIDGE!” it was the grave Cash dug for himself he was going to stay there. ‘THIS IS TIME OUT! PAPYRUS THE SALT,”

“I can’t reach the salt from here!” The  _ liar _ . Black had seen him reach for a fucking bottle of vodka from farther away. “Okay, okay yeesh,” There’s a thunk. A pause and then, “Uh, salt’s broken you uh, want somethin’ else heh he?”

His socket twitches, “PEPPER,”

“Oh that’s so much closer—”

“PAPYRUS!” there’s another  _ yeesh who the fuck pissed you off?  _ Before the pepper shaker is awkwardly passed down to him as he works on the… it looked like salads, kind of? 

“... bro,”

“YES?”

Cash scratches at his cheek, his one good eye squinting as he leans as far off the fridge as he dares. “Not to like, rain on your parade or nothin,” oh Cash had already done that when he  _ ate a fucking cigarette like a mad man! _ “But what the fuck is that…”

“SALAD.” He says promptly. What else would it be? It had… he lifts up the vaguely leafy looking thing. It had greens. And seasoning. Salads used seasoning didn’t they? “THIS IS WHAT WE’RE HAVING TONIGHT,”

“I’ll give you the ten bucks I found in the couch if you pass me my phone,” His socket twitches again. He was  _ not _ going to fall for that again. No sirey he was not. Cash never gave up his money and Black had been foolish when he believed that he would. “C’mon please that’ll kill me. It might even kill you. Sans, please  _ it’s bubbling!  _ Salads don’t do that, bro, look at me,”

He very serenely continues mixing the salad as Cash panics atop their fridge, it was  _ edible _ ! Black had never made anything that killed either of them… then again he’d made that pudding once and Cash had been knocked out cold for like three days. Looking down at the bowl he tries not to blanch at the fucking creature he’s some how made. “IT’S… IT’S PERFECTLY EDIBLE…”

“Bro… can i come down now?” It sounds so defeated that Black scrunches up his face.

“HAVE YOU REPENTED?”

There’s the sound of Cash’s slippers hitting the floor before he grumbles and the fridge rattles as he climbs back up, bony knees making contact with the ice dispenser, “... i hate this fucking family.” It’s so  _ petulant _ that Black can’t even hope to hold in the amused snort as he begrudgingly tosses the not-salad.

“WE’RE THE ONLY FAMILY YOU HAVE,” well kind of. There were more hims? And more Papyrus’? It was. It was an odd experience to see himself, but also not see himself. But things were kind of working out?

“That’s not really true,” another crash. Probably Cash rearranging their damn mugs. ‘Y’know sometimes you just head onto a human-monster campus and find a whole new— sans! Help a brother out!”

Black glances up from the wall phone, raising a brow as Cash tries to get the other skeleton’s attention. Apparently he was just ordering a vegan pizza. The skeletons that  _ could  _ cook weren’t home yet. “IGNORE HIM.”

“No! No, don’t ignore me!” Comic plops into one of the seats around their table, grin  _ comically  _ wide— oh fuck he’d been around Cash too long today— as he slowly blinks up at his troublesome little brother. “C’mon, c’mon lemme down. Brother to brother you know?”

“What’d he do this time?” He deflates like an overused pillow as he gets comfortable eyes closing completely. Frankly Black’s surprised that he hasn’t won the  _ be a possum  _ challenge from how often he sleeps. Then again… he had to deal with brats on the daily so it was to be expected.

Ignoring the duo bickering back and forth he orders two extra large pizzas for them all before answering, “ATE A CIGARETTE TO TRY AND HIDE THAT HE HAD IT. YOU SHOULD’VE JUST SMOKED IT AND HIDE THE CARTON,”

“Mmhm, yeah the fridge seems like a  _ cool  _ choice,” Sighing Black drags a hand over his face as the two chuckle-heads cackle like a pack of hyena. Idiots. The both of them. It didn’t matter that comic was an astrophysicist or whatever the fuck it was; he participated in the shitty humor. “Sorry kid, can’t let this one  _ jet  _ off. Can ya pass me the bottle of ketchup?”

Huffing Cash digs into the fridge wiping at the fake tears before he tosses it. “I hate this fucking universe. Can’t get away with shit anymore,”

“YOU MADE THE DECISION TO EAT IT! STICK WITH IT.”

“Yeah, kid ‘s a real  _ light _ one ain’t it?” Again the knuckleheads lose it as Black hurries about the place setting out their plates and checking that they have enough to drink. Otherwise he’d send… not Cash… someone to get more. “How long have you been up there?”

He finally opens an eye when he doesn’t get an immediate answer, “Cash?” 

“Hmm?” 

“How long ya been sittin’?”

“How long black?”

“NOT LONG ENOUGH,” Another huff as Cash dangles his legs. Apparently he was done squishing the things for dramas sake. “COMIC?” He waits until the slow blinks point in his direction, a disgusting bottle of condiment gripped in his hands carefully. “DOESN’T YOUR BROTHER USUALLY COME HOME AROUND THE SAME TIME? AND THE OTHERS?” it was very oddly silent considering how many of them were living together. 

He sits up a little more straight, his sockets narrowing as he thinks. Comic  _ did  _ teach today no wonder his memory was in shambles for the moment. “Oh yeah, uh, about that,” well those weren’t usually a collection of words Black considered any good to come from. “Some of them are. Ghost hunting? Something like that.” So. that meant that Puff wasn’t out doing that because otherwise Comic wouldn’t be so chill.

The bean bag didn’t understand the meaning of chill when it came to his brother which fair; neither did the fucking rest of them.

Still though, “... YOU LEFT THEM OUTSIDE? IN A POTENTIALLY HAUNTED BUILDING? CASH!” his younger brother’s head whips around to look at him, sockets wide with hope. Snorting he waves a hand, “DOWN! WE HAVE FOOLS TO CATCH!”

The fake tears make a return as Cash whoops as he jumps from the fridge, “fucking finall— ow! Fuck, fuck why did I think that was smart when I have the bone structure of an eighty year old,”

Comic chuckles tossing him a bag of candy, “ _ bone- _ apetit, can’t have you fallen apart on us now can we?”

“Yeah, yeah i’ll pay you back!” They both knew he wouldn’t.

“Mmhm, i’ll just add it to your tab,”

Black finds himself smiling despite his usual hesitance to do so as Cash perks up, “that’s the fucking best, man. Don’t go adding any interest on that. C’mon black if we don’t hurry we’ll miss out on free entertainment!”

* * *

Edge very pointedly does not look behind himself as the house  _ hisses  _ at them. He hears someone’s legs knock together; Stretch it has to be Stretch. His arms tighten on the safety ball that is his brother, “SANS DO SOMETHING,” how had he convinced them to do this? “SHOOT THEM! BARK AT THEM! ANYTHING!”

He feels something latch onto his arm and nearly screams only to let out a shuddery whimper when it turns out to be Stretch. Yup. That was both of their legs clacking together. “Ahhaha hey ghosts,” oh god he was  _ talking  _ to them. Edge feels the start of stressful tears build up. They were going to die. Not even in a cool way! “It’s ya boy… please don’t kill us,”

Red sags from where he’s being manhandled like some football. “Boss,” Their boots make a floorboard creak. Stretch grabs tighter, his teeth clacking together as a fucking  _ whisper  _ echoes in their skulls. “Boss. Put me down,” The arms around him tighten, and he wheezes like a deflating balloon. “I can’t fuckin’ breath.”

It’s in his struggle to get the grip to ease up that he knocks over a chair making the other two launch themselves into the air in fear, “uhh Edge?”

He doesn’t look back just continues to speed walk through this horrible, terrible, awful place. How had Red convinced them to come here? “Edge,” he barely lets out a hum too paranoid to even want to make  _ noise _ , “did… it’s not just me right?” Stretch gives a nervous giggle as a soft  _ turn back  _ tickles his head. They were so fucked. So so so fucked. “Red? You uh, I’m not. ‘M not going crazy right? Someone  _ please  _ say they heard that!”

Edge shifts the lump that is his brother so that he’s a foot or so in front of them.”I THINK IT WOULD BE… BE A WONDERFUL IDEA—“ his spine curves in a way it shouldn’t as something ghost along the vertebrae; his steps getting more desperate as he physically drags Stretch along with him. “WE SHOULD GO. LETS GO. NO MORE TALKING!”

Stretch feels tears prick at his sockets as something  _ grabs  _ his ankle. ”edge,” he’s ignored. He tries again tugging at the other skeleton’s shirt, “edge I mean it. Pick me up or so help me god I will pass the fuck out something  _ grabbed me _ ,” It’s high as he scrambles to keep up, vaulting himself onto Edge’s back when the thing makes another swipe at his ankles. “Nope, Nope, nopity Nope— red please. Just. Can you. Pew pew?” 

Red wheezes his entire frame shaking. Jesus. They were really  _ scared!  _ Pew pew he fucking said! Clearing his throat, he uses magic to light up one of his eyes, “Hey ghosts!” This was going to be brilliant. They could kick his ass later and he’d die happy. “If you don’t answer, this is our fuckin’ house now!”

The answer from the two scaredy-cats is immediate: 

“WHAT THE FUCK WE’RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE YOU ASSHAT!”

“Boy if you don’t stop,” Stretch yelps again when something makes way for his hoodie, arms wrapping around Edge’s head even as they start to tilt precariously. “Red please I am begging you. The stress is bad for the baby!”

“What fuckin’ baby?”

“Me! I’m the baby! The stress is bad for me!”

He wheezes again actual tears streaming down his face; this was the best fucking idea he’d ever had.

Unbeknownst to them in their terror within the house two others had arrived:

Clearing his throat he watches Cash tote his fancy camera, “AH YES. THE BADDEST OF THE BITCHES HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED,” He ignores the strangled laugh Cash chokes on as he keeps his gaze on the house… was it  _ moving? _ What the fuck had they managed this time.

“Hey… bro,” He hums, not turning away from the odd sight. He knew that the trio wasn’t weak by any means… but a house shouldn’t move like that? Huh, maybe it really was haunted? Ah well, just meant more entertainment for them later. “‘M sorry that i’m the one that has to break it to you but,”

Oh he knew where this was going, “PAPYRUS,”

Cash continues on as it was his  _ hearing _ that sucked instead of his eyes. “You are exactly five feet tall,”

“PAPYRUS I SWEAR!”

“Who the  _ fuck _ is going to consider you a bad bitch?”

“I AM A BAD BITCH AND NOTHING HAS MANAGED TO KILL ME!” He hears the quiet  _ mmhm, don’t think that counts _ even as Cash continues to set up his equipment. Movie night was going to be glorious with this new addition!

The ground physically shakes with how loud the scream is that Black wonders, just briefly if they encountered some demon or another. “Uhh… you… you sure we should… y’know,” of course. How had he forgotten? Cash was part of the scaredy skeletons quartet.

Pinching at his nose bridge he nods. It seemed he would have to remind him of the stakes at hand. “CASH THE CAMERA. WE CAN MAKE  _ MILLIONS!” _

His brother scrambles to righten everything, a new gleam in his eye. “Ohh shit you right. How could I forget?”

Sighing, he moves to help the younger skeleton when another scream rips through the quiet. Jesus. What the fuck had they gotten into?

Edge shakes as they enter a fucking ball room. They were all going to die. He was too young and beautiful for this bullshit! “HOW DID YOU CONVINCE US TO DO THIS?” they were intelligent! They were bold! How had their straight laced list of things to do today end up like this?

Stretch shifts from where he’s all but koala’d Edge’s head eye lights working as the only other goddamn light besides Red. “I would like to go home please,” it’s nothing more than a whisper as  _ something  _ shows up in a shadow and his arms tighten ignoring the annoyed curse Edge let's out. He was a strong monster! Edge could carry them because there was no way in hell that Stretch could physically make himself get down. “Do… do you think Blue would come an’ pick us up?” 

Red still hasn’t stopped shaking from earlier. The tears haven’t dried so all he really can do is let out a hiccup-y; “look, look we’re almost out,” He feels Edge speed up magic pumped into his legs to keep  _ going _ ,” we’re almost out! There’s a light at the end of the room!”

“THAT’S NOT A FUCKING GOOD THING!” Red just barely shrugs not even bothering to point out that Edge was still continuing in that direction. If they died then they died. They could kick his ass in the afterlife or something. He hears a door break as Edge boulders his way out, stumbling on some steps before the three of them get pretzeled together. 

“Boss, what the fuck?” Is that grass? That was fucking grass and dirt in his socket. Disgusting. “You couldn’ta made the  _ fall  _ more  _ ghostful?”  _ There’s a snicker and it’s definitely not  _ Edge _ and it isn’t the high laugh that Stretch has. He whips his head up an actual snarl on his face. If some stupid ass kid was going to make fun of  _ his  _ little brothers they had something coming for them! Red and the others were the only ones allowed to mess with the scaredy-cats! “Oi! Who th’ fuck you think ya are laughin’ an— _ cash?” _

“AND ME!” oh great. Mr. Great and tyrannical was here too. “IT SEEMS THAT YOU HAD A REAL…  _ GHOUL _ OF A TIME!” Cash snorts bowling over even as he keeps the camera steady with magic. This was fucking glorious. Black  _ never _ made jokes! And he got it on camera! 

The smirk he has on makes Red want to punch him. There was just something about Black’s face that made him want to fight. The other Sanses? Fine. perfect. Got along great. Black says one word to him? Red’s hands were rated B for Black. 

“Help us up you asshole, were you the ones pullin’ the damn strings?” he grunts as Cash untangles the lot of them Stretch simply giving out on the ground with a mumbled,  _ ‘m gonna take a nap right here _ and without even thinking his mouth replies: “”you’re gonna take a nap?”

Belatedly he hears Cash laughing again as Stretch nods, “gonna take a nap right here… goodnight.”

“WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED THAT THIS IS HOW YOU DEAL WITH PROBLEMS,” and the urge to conk Black in the head is back again. 

“Edge,” no reply. “Did we kill Edge?”

“Hardly,” He’s being pushed up to help drag Stretch to the van. “He’s just in the car already. Think he’s ready to beat your ass actually?” 

Snorting he props Stretch up next to the other passed out skeleton. Fat chance of that right now. His volatile little brother wouldn’t have the energy to do shit for at least an hour. “Doubt that. Th’ fucks for dinner?’

Black huffs smacking his feet when he tries to put them on the center console. “OFF! OFF YOU HEATHEN!” he just gets a grumble propping them up next to Cash’s head. Short bitch couldn’t reach that far. “PIZZA,” He perks up. “ _ VEGAN  _ PIZZA,” and he fucking ruined pizza. As Red was saying. His hands a rated B for Black and he  _ would  _ kick his ass as soon as all the younger brothers were out of the car. “YOU KNOW THEY DON’T LIKE GREASY THINGS. IT’S THE ONLY COMPROMISE WE HAVE. THERE IS  _ ONE  _ NORMAL PIZZA SO DON’T GET YOUR BRITCHES IN A FUCKING TWIST RED.”

“When’s it gettin’ there?  _ Who’s home?” _ Because if it was Comic those pizzas were as good as fucking  _ gone _ . “Prissy go faster! Shitty pizza or not I still want some!” 

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE WHEEL RED I SWEAR— I  _ WILL  _ TURN THIS VAN AROUND!” He hisses at the swipe aimed for his head ducking against Stretch’s shoulder to avoid it. Jesus tiny tim was pissed today. “BLUE IS DELIVERING. I AM NOT SO FORGETFUL AS THE REST OF YOU TO LET COMIC BE AROUND FOOD ALONE!”

Red gives him a look. They both knew that was far from the truth. But he doesn’t bitch, just makes sure the two skeletons in the back with him didn’t fall over with Black’s less than amazing driving. He ran  _ two  _ lights. How had he even gotten a fucking license?

“What ‘bout Razz and Slim?”

Cash snorts turning around in his seat to pass his phone, “Slim got smashed. Razz was driving back from that pride parade right?” oh god. This could only end horribly.

The video is grainy but that’s probably from how hard Razz is trying not to lose his shit as Slim sticks his head out the window at the various protestors, “I! love! sucking! dick! I love sucking dick! I love sucking—” And it just ends. 

Red beams. That was the little hellraiser! “‘M so fuckin’ proud,” First damn drink of his like and he starts with  _ that.  _ Slim was a monster after his own soul. 

“They should be gettin’ back pretty soon told Razz i’d save ‘em some.” 

“Count me in then. After that Slim deserves the whole damn box… you think he’s gonna be embarrassed when he’s sober?”

“HE SHAKES LIKE A LITTLE DOG IN THE WIND RED? WHAT DO YOU THINK”?

Eh. yeah that was fair. They’d just have to keep him cheered up when he sobered up. They were family after all even if they all squabble every once in a while.

**Author's Note:**

> Red: *does anything that makes Stretch even slightly nervous*
> 
> Stretch: w-wait, wait, wait I'm Baby
> 
> Red: *continues doing the thing*
> 
> Edge: hey, wait stop wait. you can't do that
> 
> Red: what?
> 
> Edge: you can't, you can't just do that. 
> 
> Red: We'll he fuckin'
> 
> Edge: yeah, well he's baby so. 
> 
> Fun fact for this thing??? I guess i don't even know. Stretch and Slim are the actual Babies of the group. They are youngest of all the Papyri.


End file.
